Chapter 2 💋 “No one will ever love you”

I love Summer. Of all the seasons, it’s my most favorite. The season of my Birthday; when the days are long, the sun is hot, and the joy of hearing the ice cream truck sending me into a giddy frenzy. A new family moved in across the street from our house the Summer I started Grade 9. I was excited because they had small children … and I had just gotten my babysitting certificate. I babysat a couple of times, before learning about the older brother that hadn’t moved with them.

Boxing guy … the older brother; the one who would destroy my psyche, self esteem, confidence, and harm me physically. The reason I developed anxiety; learned to shut down, chose to internalize, and the reason I feared being alone. The second chapter, and the story I want to burn the hottest in the fire 🔥.

I dated Boxing guy for most of my high school life; our relationship tumultuous and toxic at best. I still have nightmares of the day we play fought, and he punched me so hard in my stomach that I smashed my back off the ledge of my basement wall. I was silently crying (I couldn’t let my parent’s hear) … while simultaneously trying to regain my breath. Boxing guy looked me straight in the face and said, “This is your fault. You made me do it.” I just turned 14 years old, and my shoes were thrown out a door two months prior by Kru (Chapter 1).

Fast forward a couple years and we get to the point of no return. I remember the day I finally found the inner strength to leave; I was riding the school bus home. Boxing guy didn’t go to school that day, but he was there waiting for me at the bus stop. I stepped off and didn’t acknowledge him. I just kept walking … all the while trying to calm the beat of my heart pounding in my ears. Terrified … but it was the only way.

I walked very fast. Each step a little faster than the other. I was very conscious of my surroundings. I made sure that people were not far from me, or far from ear shot. I can still hear him shouting behind me, “Hey! What the f***?! Why are you ignoring me? Stop f****** walking away from me!” I never turned my head. I never looked back. I walked in my front door, and Mom knew something was very wrong. I finally showed her the garbage bag of threatening letters that he wrote me. I kept each and every single one of them. The garbage bag was filled to the top. My mom called the Police.

Boxing guy wasn’t too thrilled that my mom called the Police on him requesting a restraining order. The following Monday; he brought a pocket knife to school. It was in his sock. Boxing guy had his leg up on the cafeteria bench, and he silently showed it to me. He leaned over and whispered in my ear, “You think you’re better than me. You’re not. You’re ugly and have big ears. No one will ever love you.” These words still fresh in my mind, as I called my mom to pick me up. Boxing guy chased me through the halls of the school, and as I ran down the front steps … my mom quickly opened the passenger car door, and I jumped in … the car was still in motion.

Yes, this all happened. Yes, every word is true. Boxing guy, warrants his own novel … but I would rather not waste anymore breath on him, so cheers 🥂 to you Boxing guy for making me into the beautiful, lovable, and wonderfully perfect hot mess that I am today.

– xoxo 💋 @scarlettangel777